With my past and present being out in the open. I should talk about who I am as a witch. My personal problem with alot of books, is that most books are written by 50 year old housewives who just want to spread “love and light”. One of my friends refers to them as “fluff bunnies.” I’m just going to throw it out there, I’m not a fluff bunny.
I am your typical alternative girl. I don’t want kids, have zero desire to ever get married, and frankly, I like to say Fuck A LOT. I’m not a healer, a kitchen witch, garden witch, etc. I take pride in the fact that I am selfish, because I have earned it! I’ve been through a lifetime of crap and I deserve to put myself first. My magic is my own. I’m not going to put effort into something I don’t have my heart in. My heart just isn’t in “peace, love and light”.
The reality is, I am drawn to darkness. Always have been. I am fueled by my rage. When I was starting to practice magic again after my hiatus, I was trying to do it by envisioning this positive, white light. I didn’t feel anything. Once I said fuck it and started to channel my own anger, I actually felt my energy and had confidence in my abilities. Just because anger is considered negative, doesn’t mean that it has to be used to harm. It’s just another form of energy. Not everyone draws power from peace and love.
With that being said, I am not a “white witch”. At this point in time, I don’t really have a niche. Some people are clairvoyant, mediums, house witches, healers, astral projectors. I don’t really have any of those skills right now. I’m not saying that I won’t be able to do some of those things in the future, but it’s just not me. What I can say is since my Spiritual Rebirth, I felt a pull towards the Horned God. For a while, I felt as though it was Cernunnos, but over the last half year it has been revealed that it is Hades that has been calling to me.
I feel that I am more connected to the Underworld, which makes a lot of sense. I have spent my life in various shades of darkness and symbolically have faced Death over and over. The thing about transformation is that Death and Life are natural parts of it. You can’t be the same person the rest of your life. Pieces of you have to die in order to become anew. Hades and I communicate through my dreams on and off. Psychically we are bonded. I also use my tarot as a communication tool for us. I know that overtime, I will gain hidden knowledge and a deeper relationship with him, but for now, I’m working on self transformation and letting the universe feed me information as I go. You can’t become a master overnight.
Being a Grey or Dark Witch doesn’t make you evil or ugly. It’s acknowledging that in order to have the light, you must go through the dark. The fear of the Underworld and Hades has been demonized through Christianity. We fear Death, because Western society tells us in order to have worth, we must be young and beautiful. The Crone may no longer have youth or beauty, but she has ancient Wisdom throughout the ages.
The more we deny who we are, the weaker our connection is to ourselves and our spirit. I can say with confidence that as I experience my own personal growth, the stronger my bond is to my magic and the spiritual world around me. I chose to embrace my darkness and it has brought me strength. I’m sure all of this is thought of as taboo, even to a lot of Wiccans I know, but that’s okay. It doesn’t really matter how others feels, because I am being true to myself. That’s all that really matters.
With that being said, if you guys have any thing relative to this, please feel free to share links or books suggestions in the comments! My goal is to share information and to help you grow and much as I want to help myself grow.
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